CPTSD and a never-ending search for the purpose of your life
Updated: Mar 20
When complex trauma is resolved your true potential us unlocked and purpose revealed
Think for a moment what is “a normal life” for you?
Imagine, if you could drop all learned expectations you imposed on yourself. If you could liberate yourself from all that your parents, friends and society expect from you and get in touch with what you truly want?
What would be a normal life for you if you could drop all limiting conditioning and answer from your heart space instead of your headspace?
Would you want to be an artist, would you want to have a business, to travel the world, to have a family, to own a villa, to live on a farm, to be a surfer or maybe a neuroscientist?
I invite you to look at your wishlist honestly and recognise what in that list is indeed yours and what is something that, according to your belief system, would give you the love, approval and belonging you did not receive as a child.
Everyone who has recovered from CPTSD has as a result "miraculously" found his purpose.
Why? The inability to find the purpose of your life is a result of repressed authenticity that results from unresolved complex trauma.
The belief of not being good enough, the compulsive need to please, the high-achiever syndrom that is there to remedy low self-esteem, the lack of confidence and the shame based personality are just a few of complex trauma caused limitations keeping you away from your life's purpose.
In early childhood you had to give up your authenticity in order to survive and have your needs met, that is when you acquired the trauma program of people pleasing.
Dr Gabor Maté has explained this concept accurately, demonstrating the profound impact that childhood attachment trauma has on our adult lives. When a child is born it has two needs: one is the attachment to survive and the other one is the need for authenticity to be able to express who we are.
Due to childhood trauma, we lose the sense that it is safe to be authentic and connection with our true self, preventing us from connecting with our true desires and purpose.
What is “a normal” life is very individual, but in essence, it reflects your authenticity, true self, expression of your true gifts and talents, and a sense of fulfilment as you do whatever you choose to do in your life according to your true self, your unique gifts and lifes purpose.
For some, it is family, for some business, for some being an athlete, some being an artist etc... But everyone deeply knows when despite having “a good job”, “a good situation”, “a good family”, that sense of true purpose and fulfilment is lacking. That is like a feeling of something being off. A sense of not being in the right place, not belonging, and not feeling happy despite having a life that fits a socially accepted view of a good life.
I remember how bitter and tangible was the superficiality of checking all the boxes but feeling unfulfilled and useless. That feeling of uselessness directly reflects the disconnection from individual life's purpose that complex trauma creates.
The solution is the connection. Connection within, with your authenticity, allowing to have a fulfilling life, free from pain and limitations of external and limiting conditioning.
If you want to find your purpose, you will have to do deep holistic trauma work to heal the emotional wounds that keep you separated from your true self. That means to resolve trauma of abandonmennt and rejection that created the limiting belief of unworthiness, and the resulting adaptation patterns of people pleasing, of doing what is expected by others rather than following your true calling. The purpose buried deep within you under layers of limiting beliefs and fears, waiting for the moment when it will feel safe to trust yourself fully.
Feeling safe enough in your authenticity is what unlocks that connection within, then allowing to follow your true calling and to fulfil your potential.
That trust in yourself and safety within is what was your natural state before the trauma and to recover that state is why we do the trauma work. We don't become something we are not, we become the one we truly are. Trauma recovery is recovery of the true self.
When we heal from complex trauma we become our best selves and contribute to a better world by sharing our true talents and gifts.